男人來自火星，女人來自金星
October 9th, 2006 by shiowjiuan約翰‧格雷的著作《男人來自火星，女人來自金星》以這樣的引子來掀開男女之間的關係：
“從前有一天，火星人遇見了金星人，於是他們相愛了。開始的時候，他們接受並尊重對方的不同，因而關係融洽，生活幸福。後來，他們來到了地球上。在一天早晨醒來後，他們都得了健忘症，忘了他們本是來自不同的星球。於是，他們開始了相互之間的衝突……”
男人和女人，各方面都存在大不同。兩者對語言所傳達的訊息，各有不同的理解，這也是為什么女人老是誤解男人的話，而男人也以為他已經說得夠清楚了；還有，對工作的處理手法，男人和女人也各有一套，每當出現問題的時候，性別往往成了彼此的嘲諷內容，最常聽見的也就是“男人都這樣”、“女人就是不能做大事”。
讓我們從《男人來自火星，女人來自金星》中看看，男人和女人的誤會究竟怎樣產生，又如何化解。
男女大不同一：價值觀的不同
男人重視力量、能力、效率和成就。他們的自我價值是通過所獲得的成就來定義的。能否實現預定的目標或獨立完成要做的事情是他們能力的表現。所以男人最不愿意讓人告訴他該如何做事。他沒要求你就主動去幫助他，是對他的不信任，不相信他能獨立完成要做的事情，這是對他的冒犯。男人對此非常敏感。
女人重視感情、交流、美和分享。她們花很多時間在互相幫助和互相安慰上。她們的自我價值是通過感覺和相處的好壞來定義的。只有分享和交流才使她們感到滿足。當別人談話時，她們從來不提供答案。耐心地傾聽別人的談話，理解別人的感覺，是她們愛和尊重別人的表示。
男女大不同二：對待壓力的方式不同
當男人遇到壓力時，他會變得心事重重、沉默寡言。這時他的思維走進了一個洞穴。他在洞穴裡獨自思考自己的問題。其它的一切他都視而不見。
如果他找到了解決問題的辦法，便會走出洞穴，恢復以前的樣子。如果他一時沒有找到辦法，他就會做些像看報紙、看電視一類的事情，使自己忘掉煩惱，慢慢恢復正常。
當女人遇到壓力時，她會一下子不知所措，情緒波動。這時她會在信任的人面前將煩惱說出來。談論，是女人應付壓力的自然健康反應。當她感到她的話被人聽進去了，她的感覺就會好起來。
她在說問題時，完全是雜亂無章，輕重不分的。她不像男人那樣集中在一個問題上，而是將問題擴張，大大小小的問題全擺出來，甚至親戚朋友的。她并不關心能否找到解決問題的辦法，只是表達自己的感覺，只要得到理解和認同。
男女大不同三：計分方法不同
男人認為，大事的分數要高些，小事的分數要低些。比如，為伴侶買輛新車可能是30分，幫她倒一次垃圾可能只有1分。基於這種方法，他將他的精力集中在為她做大事上，他相信這樣他能最好地滿足她。
而女人的計分方法是，不管禮物的大小，都只有1分。一支玫瑰花和月房租的分數是相同的。
女人這種計分方法不只是一種偏愛，而是真正的需要。女人需要各種各樣愛的表示。只有一兩種愛，不管它們多重要，也不能滿足她。
女人天生會感激男人為她做的小事，這是男人的福份。唯一的例外是，當她覺得分數很不平等時。這時女人不感到男人愛她，她有不滿，她已經給了他多於他給出的。這種怨恨情緒妨礙了她感激小事情的能力。
男女大不同四：情感的需要不同
大多數男人和女人不知道他們有不同的感情需要。男人給出男人想要的，女人給出女人想要的。結果，雙方都感到不滿足。事實是，他們雙方都給出了愛，卻都不是對方想要的那種。
（星洲日報／副刊／兩性talk‧整理：林悅‧2006/09/25）
clueless
September 22nd, 2006 by shiowjiuani realise there’s something wrong between but i dunno wat it is,i m clueness
if there’s no initiation to resolve it but run away,then i m speechless,
despite all these, i still feel calm, coz i ve walked myself through…
i dun even know if fault is on my side..
what’s happening? i m in total clueless!
放晴
September 18th, 2006 by shiowjiuan不再执着,一切是晴朗的
sushi treat….mei gie let us tried her hand made sushi!! yum yum…
starry starry night
September 18th, 2006 by shiowjiuanstarry starry night at pt keracut!! with xia xiang, than hsiang group n arabian trio…
spent 1.5 hour night trekking to pantai keracut, very steep steps in the beginning of the track is a really good warm up exercise. it’s worth while after all, with what the mother nature rewarded us! in complete darkness, trees are lighted up with fireflies!! wowow!!! cant imagine d magical moment if the whole undisturbed-forest were surrounded with fireflies!!
finally when another group arrived 30 mins later, started preparing our very ’simple’ dinner, simple means…maggie mee, eggs, hotdogs n sweet corns. while the Arabian trio (Rami, Mhd n Amen) carried such ‘luxurious’ food to camping!! luxurious means….chicken cooked with arabian spices,tomato,onion n limes, arabian styled sandwich (arabian cheese n crisps as filling), super sweet arabian nescafe with condensed milk n 1 large bottle of orange juice!! very kind of their hospitality letting us to try some arabian food…
hang around at the mini jetty which heads out to the sea, ‘telematch’ session, n ended up spending a nite on the jetty…couldn’t get my eyes closed, caffeine effect…looking up the sky, hearing the waves roaring furiously underneath…写意!! n peaceful!! my dark sky seems to clear instantly…. witnessed how d clouds clear out,millions n trillions of stars r seen hanging in the sky!! ( 原来, the best time to ’see star’ is 4-5am, i didnt know tat….) peaceful night r destroyed when me n hooi crapz, n woke up those beside us!! 
in the end, more ppl crapz along N then….METEORs grabbed our attention!! METEORS METeors meteors!! they appeared in just a split second…good things dun seem to last forever…if they r, we wont probably wont appreciate at all…
as the starz r dissapearing n the sky is getting brighter, n we finally freezingly dozed off in the cold breeze…
The world is just beautiful !!
feel it n appreciate it!!
美丽心情
September 13th, 2006 by shiowjiuan灰灰的。。。。
希望，
信件能把它消失，
出走能把它弄丢，
相伴能把它驱走，
请用魔法把它通通变走！！！
DAVID COPPERFIELD在哪儿啊？？
周末，老天请作美噢！
海龟们，会否露面呢？
廖廖无几的萤火虫，又会否展现眼前？
又会否繁星满天？
＂告别悲哀，就别再期待些什么，也不计较任何结果＂
美丽心情，就那么简单？
run away
September 11th, 2006 by shiowjiuan我会累，就让我这样面对，
暂时,
LET ＭＥ RUN AWAY。。。。
Summer Paradise
September 8th, 2006 by shiowjiuan
my Day out with ‘blondies’
July 17th, 2006 by shiowjiuanWhile i was moaning how horribly sien is my final sem in usm, coincidently my newly met fren, Suzanne( exchange student came back fr Canada) asked me to join a Penang day out trip with USM International students on last Sat,15June!! There were about 53 international students attended, mainly from Finland ( Tampere’s ppl oso here!!!), Australia, Sweden, China, Netherlands, Canada an so on..Complaints fr me again…what a daylight robbery!!those students paid rm30 for the trip,and they got 9th class service!!! (even my FOC bus tour at Tampere is so much better!!) 1st, there were no tour guide on the bus explaining , 2nd, basically,students were ‘dumped ‘ at the destination and did self-exploration with a few buddy students, Kim, Suzanne and me.
We went to Kek Lok Si temple, went up to the Pagoda, ate laksa( not the famous one though…) at air itam wet market, my 1st time up at Penang Hill ( spectacular view from the peak, 1st time realised how beautiful penang island can be!!), headed to Teluk Bahang Dam ( didn’t get down the bus, too exhausted….) ,Batu Ferringhi ( At golden sand hotel beach, the beach was way too commercialised!! ) and Batu Ferringhi night market ( those blondies bought lots of pirated and cheap DVDss…)
It was a really eye catching trip, imagine, when u r walking with 1 big crowd of blondies…and it’s ironic that i talk more to Finnish in this trip than i was in Tampere!! It was a really fabulous experience to be interacting with those international students….hope they ll enjoy their time in Msia like i was in Finland!!
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Today, had my 1st English Pronunciation lesson…this is the best lesson i attended so far for this sem!! Having to see some familiar faces in the class, and having the best pronunciation teacher , Ms Oon ( she insisted us to call her ms,coz madam sounds OLD!!) …She cracked so many jokes in the class, cant help myself stop laughing!! LOL… 1 particular student super funny, he brought super BIG mirror for the class lo ( bout 30cm x 20cm big!!! she said this is the best mirror she has ever seen… coz we are supposed to bring big mirror attending every lessons to see the movements of our mouth and lips for appropriate pronunciation..) It’s really a mouth exercise course, every single words there are special tongue movement, and i found my mouth is really tired after the 1st lesson!!
i really miss having u ppl around …singK, lunches together, swimming, jogging….this is the price i have to pay for extending studies…
Shall hope that my final sem wont be so dull anymore…
1st day Grumblesss….
July 10th, 2006 by shiowjiuanwhen v look too hard at something, then will tend to end up with lot of grumbless…ya….been complaining or comparing quite a lot, just can’t turn back time but to get on with life….that’s why didn’t really ’story’ as much as u all expecting…another reason is that, my memory is lousy… 
weather has been so hot here….sweatss…grrhhh..
limited freedom….can’t go out alone whenever feel like to…for safety reason…
uncivilisation….d list can go on n on if i want to…
Final semester
thought that everything gonna be easier in final sem…shifted to another block of hostel this sem (AGAIN…), 2 malay roomies, and still need to shift my boxes of stuff to new room,terribly troublesome!! loss some of my stuff…damn syui…bb2 my pails, shampoo,slipper,hangers and clothes….it’s a routine task for the price of paying less staying in uni hostel, when we are forced to pack and unpack every semester break, and shifting around blocks…very very ma fan!!
walking around (uphill & downhill) trying to get registration done….rainy day,not so bad la…had to fight for the limited places for my last 2 lab courses, then got myself stuck at the language school half a day for nothing!! had to take 1 of the LHP courses to fulfill my credit requirement, and seems that those courses i intending to take is bloody HOT!! 1st choice,spoken english ( gosh….cant believe i m taking it either!! hopefully can overcome my stage phobia.. hee..) placed at waiting list and the helpful teacher asked me to ‘fish’ for other courses as well,to be safe…ok….2nd choice,pronunciation english…the course is full as well!! OMG…..went back to the spoken class again….and found out that there are so many students appealing for this course lo…ok lo…then 3rd choice lo…effective reading…cant find the teacher in charge…..shall wait for another day to gao dim my registration….haiz.. finger crossed….pls gimme a place!!! dun wanna extend 1 more sem just becoz of 1 paper!!! still need to gao dim credit transfer stuff…still need to unpack my stuff and start tidying and decorating my tiny personal space…..
no more reading chinese blogs…even comp labs’ pc cant support chinese words!!!haiz….
no more familiar faces around…..so sien when seaching so hard for familiar faces and voices, to no avail…only those few extending ppl like me…
again…have to bear with sardine- packed uni buses….
